The Kitty Lair
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "crownkitty" journal:
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So excited! Just saw a commercial for Nathan Fillion's new show on Fox "drive," 2 hour premiere Sunday April 15th at 8 pm!!! woo-hoo!!! I hope we're back from WGI by then! prolly won't be... but at least i can set my tv to record :-D holla holla!
Current Mood: excited
I should be happy right? thrilled even? Life is good... family's healthy... got a good job come this summer... moving to a brand new city... in the meantime i get to do what i love... got a potential i don't kno what with the boy...
so shouldnt i be thrilled?
ive been in a very strange mood and it's even starting to scare me lately...
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: seize the day by avenged sevenfold
So it's hell week and I can't bring myself to give a damn about any of my work... that's not good is it? But then randomly I'll start to feel stressed out so I'll have to destress so I start trying to come up with things to calm me down so I don't keep freaking out (and I do eventually get my work done :-D). So I'm considering making 'Act 1' cookies for the drill weekend this weekend cuz I don't want to study...
Also, so I've been rediscovering Hanson :-D yay! They are releasing a single available through itunes on dec 1st i think to benefit fighting AIDs in Africa. Did you kno that they are also in a documentary that's gonna be shown at the Hollywood independent film festival (or something of that sort). Man I wish I could see them in concert now. I'm considering buying their live DVD 'Underneath' off Amazon. It's only like $13 or something and I havent seen them in concert since i was like 13!
Anyways, Gilmore's coming on soon and I wanna start looking at this tax bit before hand :-) and maybe planning out those cookies... I could do sugar cookies w/chocolate "Act 1" logos... hehehe
Current Mood: chipper
I had a tax quiz this morning. I'm not sure if I failed. I definitely got some points (but enough to pass? I don't kno) and I can't bring myself to care. I've lost all my motivation and I have no direction. The extent of my plans for the future consist of waiting for phone calls offering me a job or not... We'll go from there. Essentially though, I can feel myself just giving up on everything and I can't really bring myself to care. I mean, I keep going as I keep going cuz that's just what I do... but I don't kno how to get myself to put energy and life into things anymore... When I'm here I feel like I'm shriveling up into myself and I don't know how to stop it...
Current Mood: depressed
Ok, so here's what I don't understand. I understand that a cat is not a person, but it is still another living, breathing creature. Now, I usually avoid controversial political topics cuz I generally know what I believe and I'm pretty sure that my arguing is not going to change anyone's mind. So the thing is, I'm pro choice and that's the fact of the matter. I understand why it's so touchy a topic, but I don't understand why the same controversy is not applied to our pets as well...
FOr example, my friend adopted a stray kitten she found a couple of weeks ago and came to find that her kitten was pregnant. Well, yesterday she was talking about it and was discussing how expensive it is to get a cat spayed (spelling?) and even more so since her cat is pregnant. Then she proceeded to exclaim how pleased she was because it was not as expensive as she had thought it would be and how thrilled she was to have her cat back, free of the ability to reproduce and completely NOT PREGNANT. I mean, does this strike anyone else as animal abortion? I know the arguments against abortion: "the fetus didn't get a choice" "that's a human life!" "it's just birth control for stupid sluts" etc, etc.
Now i ask, how is this not controversial, but human abortion is? I this as worse because the mother didn't even have the choice! Now she will never be able to reproduce. I understand that a cat is a cat, but still, that cat should not have things ripped out of her just because her owner doesnt want kittens. Maybe she wants a family! Hello animal rights?!?
I just don't understand how human abortion is such a big deal while animal abortion doesn't cause the slighest stir... Maybe i'm being dumb but this really bothered me as she was talking about it...
Current Mood: aggravated
Ok, so this one's gotta be a quickie cuz I've done virtually nothing for my 3 hour class tonight and I said i'd show up early to talk to our speaker. By early, I mean 545-ish and it's now about 5 o'clock. Anyways, so I've now got 2 interviews. One w/KPMG on thursday and one w/ ernst & young on wednesday of next week... hmmm... should be interesting... I don't really kno what i want and i've forgotten how to interview. oops! It's makin me nervous... I kno i'm an accounting major and all that jazz but I'm nervous about not getting a job in an area i want to be in, with a good firm, ya kno? ok, i guess i'm done... we'll see... sometimes im not sure whether i'm goin into the right field or even whether i picked an appropriate major. sometimes i feel like being a pastry chef would've been waaaay more fun and i'd really much rather just keep going w/guard... oh well. this can be exciting... we'll see. later!
PS- Gilmore Girls season premiere tonight! Holla!!! :-D
PPS- Act 1 offered me a definite spot on their guard, not a callback, a full spot. I am perplexed cuz im not sure about time or money, but i really had so much fun this weekend and now cannot even hobble around my room. hehehe :-P
Current Mood: chipper
So we had THAT conversation. I mean, kinda, it didn't quite end. It was more of me going "I'm scared of getting hurt and scared of hurting you and scared that you just came out of this long relationship and now you wanna jump into another one and that scares me." And it scares me that he is so willing to put himself out there and do whatever it takes to take the chance that maybe this time it's the one, ya kno? I like to think I'd be able to do that, but faced with the situation I'm not sure I can put myself out there. Particularly since we're so far away.
I was telling him that I like boxes and categories and knowing what's going on but with us, I don't kno what's going on. I also don't know that we're really ready to define what we are. He put it point blank, he's liked me from day one (way back in 2003) and now he doesn't want to give up this chance for us and he wants to be my boyfriend. He also realizes that he may not be able to be that boyfriend, but he's scared of not getting another chance. I'm scared of what's going to happen. I don't want to go too fast, but on the other hand, I feel like I've known him for forever (which really, I have known him for quite awhile).
I love talking to him. I love being able to talk to him every night and just talking about our day, or our families, or what we want to do in life or where we want to go or what we want for our future. Not as a couple, just as a couple of friends talking. I LOVE that. I've never had an interest that I could actually talk to like that. Here I do, and I don't know how to handle it. I don't want to back away and run scared from him, cuz maybe this time it's different. But also I feel like he may be more ready to settle than I am.
I just don't know. I feel like it'd be fine if he was down the street and he could make it all better with a big hug... but he's on the other side of the country and I can't get a hug :-( Plus in my head I feel like I'd be betraying Maseel. I mean, I kno the kid didn't even call me to be like "look, i think we're not working" and the punk sent it to me in a text message. I also feel like we never got a chance to sit down and talk and be like "so, everything's going to be ok, right?" and I feel like getting a new boyfriend is almost rude. ya kno? Like i'm saying "hey, i've replaced you. whatever." I think part of me wishes we did work. Partly cuz he's here. But I don't think it would work... sigh... I hate boys!
but i really wish he was here making it all better...
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield
So I'm moving in less than a week and goin to be in Fairfax for a few days before goin to NC to see Jane & Sparky (yay!) and then finally down to Crown!!! woo-hoo!!! I'm totally not ready.
hahaha. funny moment of the night! I went out w/Resham and some of her friends to B-dubs. It was really fun. So most of the people there are also friends w/Maseel and Resham was sitting on my left and her friend Robin was sitting on my right. Robin literally leaned over me and asked Resham "so, Maseel's got a girlfriend?" I just looked at her and waved like "ya, that would be me" hehehe :-D I found it very amusing, maybe you had to be there :-P
He called me today :-D He actually called me about 5 times. Four times at about 10 in the morning. Not once did the connection hold. Then later he called at like 5 or 6 and we got to talk for a lil bit :-) He's gonna try to make the Baltimore show. I hope he can!
Ok, I guess that's about it. nighty night!
la di da|
So... I should be studying for my finals (which I have 4 of this week) but instead here I am watching korean music videos from years ago and I can't even understand what they're saying! :-P hehehe. I love it tho!
Anyways, sigh, I keep thinking about us and I get nervous. I don't kno, I generally like to have something resembling a direction or a goal and I feel like in every other relationship there's been that potential to get really serious. However, I don't know that this one does. I mean, I would like it to but I don't think it will... that whole religion thing and family and argh! So I find myself thinking about it and dwelling on it when I shouldn't be... I think about things too much. He's mentioned in passing stuff relating to us dating next semester so that's a positive sign. But I don't wanna think too far ahead, but I can't help it. It's looming over me but looking too far in the future looks kinda grim. I don't wanna get sooo attached and then end up breaking up, ya know? And yet, I feel like it's inevitable... Is that bad? Am I setting us up for failure?
We're cute and I love his company (even tho he does poke fun of me a lot :-P). I dunno... anyways, better go cram for those finals... I need to get at least a B on this one tomorrow, other than that I'm sitting pretty in my other classes :-D
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: My Wish by Rascal Flatts
So I'm just seriously confused. I think I'm falling harder than he is. He's always going on about not hurting others, about behaving in a way that won't hurt someone and watching out for others' feelings. But then, tonight he was talking about how he has to marry a Pakistani Shiite cuz of his family (they wont accept anyone else and he's not gonna turn his back on his family) and also cuz when he has kids he wants to raise them Shiite, and it's just a problem if both parents aren't... So then, where does that leave us? According to that it's inevitable we won't last... but then... isnt that just screaming that someone's gonna get hurt?
Current Mood: confused
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